A letter to Beckett on his Half Birthday.

Well...We've survived 6 months of parenthood. It has consumed more time, more energy and more patience than I thought was possible. But in exchange, I have experienced more smiles, more love, and more happiness than I ever thought possible. It really is amazing how 8:45 PM on August 26, 2013 changed me. When I have a minute here and there, I go on Pinterest. I saw a cute idea about writing your child a hand-written letter on their birthday every year and putting a $20 bill in an envelope attached to each letter written. Then, you make a binder/book out of the letters and give it to your child at their graduation. That way they have letters to read, money to keep for graduation as they embark on their new journey, and memories. I wondered, "will he care?" He's a boy. You know what 18 year old boys care about? Tits, ass, and cars. Oh, and sports. Is he going to care about these letters I have written him? I don't know. I can only hope he will, maybe not at 18, but someday. Someday, I hope he knows in between me being a pain in his ass, and him being a pain in my ass during those teenage years, how much I truly, truly love him. How much I really am loving being his mom. I just thought I would post this letter. You know, just in case I accidentally leave my flat iron on all day and burn the house down and the letters go "poof".


2/26/2014

Dear Beckett,

Today you are 6 months old! Can you believe it? You've survived first time parents during your most fragile weeks, and we have survived those crazy newborn and little baby months. Six months ago today, I was anxious, oh so anxious. I was shaking. I was so scared and so excited. Would I be a good mom? Would I be able to meet your needs? Would you like me? Would your dad and I make sure you are given everything you could possibly need? What will you look like? Would you have my nose and your daddy's chin? It was scary. At 8:45 PM, we heard your loud cry, and our journey began.

We brought you home, and we started adjusting to our family of three. You slept so good! 3 hours at a time at first, then 4, then 8, then 10! Then we hit 4 months and you were up EVERY two hours. We were tired. You needed us. Many times, I cried along with you because I was so tired. I had to remind myself that you needed me, just as I needed you. Your cry lessened every time we would snuggle; you just want to be close, and that's okay. I would give up all my nights of good sleep for the rest of my life to keep you small, to keep you cuddly, and to keep you my baby.

In these past six months, I have realized that time is not going to slow down. In fact, it feels like it's in fast-forward and I wish I could stop it. You were in newborn clothes for three weeks, 0-3 and 3 month for a month, 3-6 for 2 1/2 months, and now you are in 6-9 that are starting to get small. I get so very sad packing away your tiny clothes that your dad and I picked out for you or were gifted to us for you. Each article I remember washing and hanging in excitement for your arrival. "Oh wow, that is SO big! He won't be that big for a long time!" I remember telling your Mimi when she showed me that 3-6 month overalls she had bought you last April. I packed them away on New Years Day. You won't fit in them ever again.  I really struggle emotionally with watching you grow. Everyone told me  "enjoy them being little, because it goes by so fast." and I shrugged it off. It's true. Each day, you are getting bigger. Each day, you are learning more, laughing more, and smiling more.

Though I may be sad about you getting bigger, I am so excited for the future. I can't wait to watch you play football with your daddy. He really, REALLY loves you. You are his little buddy. And you sure do love him too. I love watching you get a huge smile and flap your arms in excitement when you hear your daddy walk through the door when he gets home from work and says "I'm home!"  The way he picks you up and gives you a big kiss makes you giggly and happy. I can't wait to watch you go down the slide for the first time, or the first time I get to kiss your boo boo. I can't wait to teach you your ABC's, to take family vacations, to give you a sibling to play with, to watch you go to kindergarten, to help you plan the way you will ask a girl to the school dance, and to dance with you on your wedding day. You are my world.

So, Beckett, I want to thank you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for making me fall even more in love with your dad when I see him with you. Thank you for cuddling me, for being so sweet and for being my boy. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months has in store, and then the years after that.

Love,

Mama.

8:50 PM

 1 week old.

 

 

 

 

1 month.

 

2 months.

3 months.

4 months

5 months.

 6 months. 21 lbs. 27.75"

 

Sh!t they don't tell you about post-partum life.

So while I was taking a blog break and living in newborn and infant bliss with my child who refuses naps 90% of the time, and can't nap anywhere but in someone's arms or unless he is swaddled tighter than size 0 jeans on Honey Boo Boo's mother's body, I made many mental notes about shit they don't tell you about after you have a baby. This is also a TMI post, so don't read if you think you're going to get grossed out. Men, that means you. You will get grossed out. So don't read. Go play Madden or GTA or something instead. GO.

I mean, some of the stuff I was warned about by moms in my amazing August mom's group...but some of the things that happened/are happening have been totally effing unexpected and unwanted. I wish I would have been talked to about some of these things...so mamas who are expecting...here you go. Don't be scared. If you are scared, don't drink. Save all your drinking for when that baby comes and it wont nap. Hit the bottle when the baby hits the bottle. Or sleep when they sleep, whatever.
Just kidding. Kind of. Okay, not really.

Shall we?

1. YOU WILL BLEED MORE THAN YOU HAVE EVER BLED IN YOUR LIFE. 

It's true. I thought I would escape it since my baby didn't come out of the hoohah. Nope. Not even close. Post partum bleeding was no joke and there was actually a point in time where I was on Amazon contemplating using my free shipping for Depends. Cause, I mean, I can't go to the store and buy that. Someone will see me. And laugh at me. Or I will get a picture snapped of me carrying these adult diapers and will be posted to "People of Walmart" or posted on FB with the caption "HAHAHAHA LOOK WHAT SHE'S BUYING." But I didn't. Three weeks in, I stopped bleeding and I was like "SWEET! I lucked out." Guess what? Mother Nature was playing a sick joke on me and then the next day it was back with a vengeance.

2. YOU MAY NOT LOSE MUCH WEIGHT AFTER GIVING BIRTH.

Alright, shhh. I gained 35-40 lbs. Fatty Mc Fat Fat. I retained SO MUCH WATER it was unbelievable. I had lots of Nachos Bell Grande too, but still. Not 40 lbs worth. I was like "great! I had a nearly 9 lb baby, then like 8 lbs of fluids and 1 lb of placenta so I should be down like almost 15-20 lbs! I stepped on the scale when I got home...who wants to guess how much weight I had lost? 20? 25? 14?

4.2 effing pounds. That's not even scientifically possible with what came out of me.

But it is. I was pumped full of SO many fluids for 24 hours. I was swollen swollen swollen. I bawled. WTF. It was painful to walk because my ankles were cankles from having so much fluid stored in them. How was I supposed to care for a baby while caring for my incision and not be able to at least walk around? I called Dr. E and she gave me a diuretic...and I lost 16 lbs of fluid like that. In 3 days. Women...DO NOT GET ON THE SCALE WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL.WAIT.

3. YOU MAY GET THE BABY BLUES.

You have all these hormones raging through your body from conception on. Once those hormones are delivered out of you, your body goes WTF. Total WTF. On day 3, in the hospital I started crying. I cried all day. I couldn't stop. Breastfeeding was going awfully, I was stuck in this bed. I had all these emotions. I missed my belly. I was a squishy mess. I cried because my baby was already growing up. I cried because he had already changed so much in 3 days. I cried because I was mad at my body for not being able to deliver vaginally. I cried because I felt like a burden to Mark and my family. They had to do so much for me because I couldn't move. I couldn't even get up to change my baby for several days. Everyone was so amazing to me, and I felt like such a pain in everyone's ass. Eventually, the baby blues turned into post partum depression. And it's TOTALLY normal. I walked into Dr. E's office for my postpartum follow up, her amazing nurse asked how I was doing and I just started crying. My baby was perfect. He was a good sleeper. Why was I feeling like this? Get help if you need it, ladies!

4. YOUR HAIR WILL FALL OUT.

This is definitely not one I was prepared for. At all. I got so many compliments on my long, thick beautiful pregnancy hair. Seriously, it got so long and so healthy. But guess what? Thanksgiving came (3 months after B was born) and it started falling out. I can't even look at the brush these days. And I'm about to hit up a weave and wig shop. I'm literally counting down the days until we can attempt to have another baby so I can know when this will end.

5. YOUR BODY MAY NOT "BOUNCE BACK"

I had B at 23. That's pretty young. Everyone was like "oh, you'll have your body back in no time!" No. It's not back. I may have almost lost all of the weight, but it has not been easy, and it has not gone back to its original size/shape. But you know what? Your body could bounce back. I could just be one of the unlucky ones that got bad genetics. Just don't be surprised if you're still wearing maternity clothes 2 months after because your hips that you did or didn't birth your baby out of spread.

6. BREASTFEEDING MAY OR MAY NOT BE A BREEZE

I had this grand plan to exclusively breast feed B for 6 months. I had all the supplies bought and ordered, my pump ready, everything ready. Guess what? He couldn't latch right. My milk didn't come in for 6 days. He was jaundiced. He was hungry. I couldn't feed him. It broke my heart. He would be so hungry by the time it was time to eat, that he would have absolutely no patience or desire to feed. So we had to turn to the bottle. We had to supplement. Why? Why was my body AGAIN not doing what it was "supposed" to do? I power pumped. I took supplements. Dr. E prescribed me a medication known to boost supply. Nothing worked. I tried everything. I pumped for 6 weeks. I went to our lactation lady at the hospital. By that time he had taken a preference for formula over breastmilk. You don't know how bad it broke my heart. I wanted that bond. I wanted to be close to him. But you know what? It was causing me more stress and heartbreak than it needed to. We switched to formula and never looked back. He's happy, healthy and thriving. If it doesn't work for you, don't worry. You are not alone.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I just thought it could really help one of my many pregnant friends or friends wanting to start families soon.

Let's leave this on a happy note. Here's my 4 month old chunker.

I abandoned this blog. But here's Beckett's Birth Story.

8/26

We checked into the hospital at 5:30 AM for our induction. I was seriously shaking from nerves. We walked into the hospital as a family of two and were going to leave as a family of three. SUCH an emotional experience!. It took an hour to get my IV in. This was the part I was dreading the most and I seem to have gotten the worst nurse possible for it. Finally, after three tries, it was in and I could relax a little better. Shift change happened and we met our 7am to 7pm nurse who was a freaking DOLL. I loved her. I still love her. She was amazing and made me so comfortable and at ease. She started my pitocin around 7:30 after she checked me, I was at a 3. Ok, cool.

At 8:30 when my OB (Dr. E) arrived, she broke my water. This is probably going to make me sound like a huge weirdo, but I LOVED that experience. I loved knowing that this was the point of "no return." That my baby boy was officially on his way into our arms.

They kept upping my pit and the contractions got stronger. I was dilated to a 5 and decided to get an epidural. The epidural was another thing I was so extremely worried about (I just hate needles). It was a breeze. The anesthesiologist  was phenomenal and talked me thought my fears. It wasn't bad at all and I felt it start working about 5 minutes later. I could feel   tightening, but I couldn't feel any pain. I was able to take a nap and get lots of rest with Mark while waiting for progression. I was turned on my Rt, Left, and then back every thirty minutes.

At 4 pm, I was at a 7! OMG! I was so excited and so nervous. When I say this was an incredibly emotional day, I meant it. DH gave me a card with a sweet note written in it for me at this point.  I bawled. If I could go back in time to that moment, I would in a heartbeat.

At 5, 6, 7, and 8 pm, I was checked for progression, especially at 7 when I thought I felt pressure in my bottom, I was still at a 7. At 7:30, the nurse told me that I needed Oxygen, and that Beck wasn't handling labor well anymore. Dr. E came in and showed me that his HB would go very, very fast, and then drop super low. He was stressed out. My uterus started slowing down. I would have strong contractions 1 minute apart for 5-7 minutes, and then wouldn't have another for 5 minutes. My OB said that if there was no progression by 8PM that she would really like to discuss options to get baby out safe.

At 8pm, I was checked. I was still at a 7. There had been 4 hours with no progression. I cried. They explained my options, which were to go ahead and have a c section and get the baby out, or wait just a teeny longer. Mark and I discussed and having had a loss in the past, we decided to go ahead with the CS to get baby out healthy and alive. I cried. And cried. And cried. It hit me that I would most likely never get to birth a baby (not many OB's will attempt VBAC around here) "normally". It hit me that I was going to have major surgery in a matter of minutes. It hit me that pregnancy was over (which I was ready for, but it was such an awesome time in my life). There were so many emotions.
They prepped me (and by prepped I mean numbed me and got the area ready) at 8:15. At 8:30 they wheeled me back to the OR and prepped my abdomen. They finally let Mark in after he scrubbed up. I felt so nauseous. I told the anesthesiologist that I was nauseous and she gave me a medication. I then proceeded to vomit twice on the table. This is apparently why they don't let you eat when you're in labor...to prevent this from happening. Well, it happened. I should have just eaten a damn cheeseburger at noon when I was starving.

A little while later I heard "Time of birth: 20:45" and heard the most beautiful cry I have ever heard. Big strong, healthy cry. I remember Mark popping up to go see him while I remained on the table. It really bothered me that I could not see my baby or what was going on.
Mark came back and showed me the most beautiful photo on his phone that I have ever seen.

 

Then I said "WHAT!? 8 lbs 11 oz?! WTF.

 

 

They let me do skin to skin with him, which is apparently a new policy at that hospital that they are doing to promote bonding in CS patients. It was nice. You know what that little stinker did as soon as he was placed on my chest? He lifted his head and looked around the room. I knew I was in trouble then.

 

So then they wheeled me to recovery where we Facetimed Mark's family so they could see the baby from Colorado. And then my parents came to meet him. I really don't remember most of it. I remember whenever someone would give me the baby back, I would ask "when is this kid going to get a bath, it looks like he has bacon bits in his hair!" I was grossed out just a teeny bit. I wanted to snuggle a clean baby. So at midnight, they took him and bathed him and I took a quick nap.

We were discharged on 8/29/2013 and had to go back for a weight check on 8/30/13 because he was jaundiced and we had struggled with feedings. :(

But basically, we are in love with him. You don't know what love really is until you meet your child. The child you dreamed about, carried around for 40 weeks, stressed about, planned for. It's amazing.

What I've learned...

HI! Sorry, I've totally been neglecting this blog. The Maska family moved! We finally closed on our house. I am so excited to finally be moved in and to be in full-on nesting mode.

As soon as we are done with the nursery and the furniture is OUT of the dining room, I will post pictures of our house. We don't have pictures up on the wall yet, or it decorated all cute, but eventually...I promise!

I wanted to write a post about 5 AWESOME things about pregnancy and 5 Not-So-Awesome things that I've discovered in the past 8 months. This weekend, I'll do a bumpdate when I get the energy to get dressed and actually do my hair.

Aight? Here we goooooooooo.

Five AMAZING things about pregnancy:

1. My hair has never been longer, thicker, or more healthy. Well, except for years ago when I didn't fry the shit out of it color it, of course. I am loving it!

2. HOLY BOOBS.

3. Feeling the little flutters, that turn into jabs and kicks, which turn into the little baby rolling around. Now that he's the size of a  tasty melon, I get to see him bumping around in my belly. It's pretty cute. Except for when you're trying to sleep, and he's claimed the right side of your belly, which is the side you sleep on...and of course, you don't want your fat ass to smash him.

4. Nesting mode. I've never been real organized or been a super clean freak, but nesting mode has turned me into a machine. Plus, I'm LOVING the smell of these disinfectant wipes we bought at Sams Club, so I am wiping the shit out of everything in sight that I can. Mmmmm.

5. Meeting and talking with other mamas to be that are in the same spot in life as I am. I have made some great friends that are so resourceful and supportive. Cause' let's face it...my other friends could probably care less about breast pumps, padsicles, and tummy time.


5 Not-So-Great Aspects of Pregnancy

1. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I've REALLY struggled with my body image, self esteem, and weight this pregnancy. I'm literally in tears at least once a week because of either the scale at the doctor, I look like Shrek in my maternity clothes, or somebody asks me if I'm having twins, which has happened twice. I cried both times. No, not twins, and not even really a big baby at that. He is just laying funny in my womb, thanks. Of course, it makes me feel bad. I took no pictures of myself on my honeymoon because I looked "pudgy". It's just been so hard. I'm so motivated to get back into a 7/8 after I push this baby out. My friend Julia and I went to Express today, and I wanted SO bad to buy these cute dresses and colored shorts that were 40% off, but I couldn't, because I have NO clue what size I am going to be.

2. Feeling helpless. We moved this past weekend, and I tried to help all I could. I KNOW if I wasn't pregnant, I would have been able to help more. I felt so bad seeing my family and my husband doing all the work for me. I hate having to ask Mark to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer because my belly won't let me bend over and get the clothes at the bottom of the washer. I hate having to ask him to help me put on my shoes when we go for a walk, and I hate that our electric bill is probably going to be off the charts this month because I'm so warm. I just want to go back to normal.

3. Feeling so fatigued. I nap nearly every day. I get 8 hours of sleep (minus bathroom breaks) but by 2:00 PM, my eyes are heavy and I am dragging. It just started back up in the third trimester. I am thankful for this little miracle I am growing, but I miss being energetic and wanting to "go, go go!"

4. The bloodwork. I dread getting my blood drawn. I think I've had 25 tubes of blood taken in the past 8 months. I pass out. Every. Single. Time.

5. Anxiety. Having had a miscarriage before, I was so anxious and nervous that something was wrong with this baby. I was such a negative Nancy, and I would convince myself before every ultrasound and appointment that either something was seriously wrong with this baby, or that it didn't have a heartbeat. I had many, many meltdowns and freak outs. I just wanted my body to not fail me...again. I needed to learn to trust my body. I'm almost there. Once I make it through the delivery, my faith will be restored :).

I just needed to let it all out there, and I am finally feeling better having written this. I can't wait to meet our son. I can't wait to snuggle him and tell him how much I love him.

32 Friggin Weeks!

Holy hell, I need an extra coat of chalkboard paint on this thing!

Cropped half my face out. You're welcome.

How far along: 32 weeks. Ahhhh! So close, yet so, so far!

Total Weight Gain: Ugh. I hate this question. ~25 lbs. We will find out the upcoming 4th of July damage on the 10th. But honestly, I don't feel like I've gained anywhere else except my midsection. Maybe a little more jiggle in my arms since I can't do any heavy weightlifting/toning and belly won't let me do push ups any more. Maybe I'll pop out a 18 lb baby and 7 lb of fluid? One can dream. JK the sound of an 18 lb baby makes my vag scream in horror.

Stretchmarks: Another sore subject. Yes, some. This mama has her fading cream ready to go.

Sleep: It's okay...when I can actually fall asleep, I can stay asleep! But falling asleep...urgggg.

Best Moment This Week: Doing our inspection on our house! How is this baby related? UMM because I am one week away from getting those keys and starting on his nursery. I'm seriously going cray. His furniture is in boxes. The amazing gifts we got from our baby shower, are in tubs and bags. I want to put it all together!

Movement: Yep. But honestly, he's really lazy compared to what some people say their babies do. So I've come to the conclusion that A. He's either just really chill and sleeps a lot like his dad, which would be AMAZING. or...B. He's hibernating and keeping his energy stored up to unleash when he comes out.

Gender: Team Peen.

Labor Signs: A few Braxton Hicks contractions. Some cramping (which could be caused by several things that I'm not going to describe on the internet :) )
Belly Button: Still in.

What I Miss: 

What I am Looking Forward to: Moving in, getting settled, and nesting.

Can I just show you the sweetest blanket I bought B on Etsy? It came on Monday and I'm in love.

Eeeeeek I can't wait to wrap him in it.

Ciao!

10 Things I'm Thankful for.

So, I just wanted to post about what I'm thankful for. I've done far, FAR too much complaining in the past couple of weeks due to feeling like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. Oh, and guess what happened today, at Walmart. I was asked if I was having twins. 

"NO, homegirl, I'm not having twins."

Anyways. In the midst of being 100 months pregnant in the middle of summer, I was thinking about what I'm really thankful for. It's so easy to overlook the things that you are blessed with in your life when you are uncomfortable, struggling with something, or really stressed. It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't be like that.

SO.. here we go.

1) I am thankful for my wonderful family. My family and Mark's family. They have supported us through SO much, rooted us along, and would bend over backwards for us. My dad's health is better than it was last year, and I am so glad. Mark's family has been so welcoming and nice to me the past couple of years. 

2) I am thankful for this baby boy in my belly. I apologize to him every so often for wishing he was a girl, and for crying when I found out he was a boy. I'm SO excited now to be a boy mom. I can't wait to watch him play with his daddy, watch him play whatever sport he chooses, and kiss his boo boos. I can't wait to dance with him at his wedding, go exploring in the backyard, and watch football with him. I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to be a mama. Many people don't know, but we lost a baby before him and I was FOR SURE that I would never have a healthy, happy baby and the chance to be the mother I have wanted to be since I was a little girl, so I am so excited to get a second chance.

3) I am thankful for my husband, who has been so patient with me, who has loved me unconditionally, and has supported me through everything. I never thought I would find someone who compliments me so well. He's a great communicator, and we make a great team. I can't wait to see how great of a father he is to Beckett. I'm also so blessed that he encouraged me to make a job change that was less stressful. 

He is a wonderful provider and I appreciate him so much.

Okay..enough with the sappy stuff..

4) I am thankful for DVR's. There was a point in time when ALL of my favorite shows were on Monday nights. We had the Bachelor, Teen Mom, and Catfish. Now, we have the Bachelor and Real Housewives of Orange County. The DVR makes it so much more manageable. :)

5) I am thankful for Chicken Fried Steak with white gravy. Mmmm mmmm mmm.

6) I am thankful for the New England Patriots losing pretty much half of their team. Brady doesn't need to go to another Bowl.

7) I am thankful for InSession and MSNBC/CNN. I love creeping on high profile court cases. 

8) I am thankful for central heat and air. I have friends on the west coast that don't have it and I'm all like whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! You best believe my AC is cranked.

9) I am thankful for coupons. I will never be an extreme couponer, but good lord, it's actually kind of fun hunting for good deals. 

10) I am thankful for my future neighborhood pool. Sorry in advance to the kiddos that get to see the "scratch marks" on my belly. They aren't that bad...yet.

That is all...HAPPY MONDAY, ya'll!

Our Big, Fat Oklahoma Wedding Review

Well, Mark and I have been living in wedded bliss for over three months now. Not much has changed, since we lived in sin for almost a year prior to our wedding (see: Baby Maska). Hehe. 

But I can honestly say it's been great. I love being married. I love having my own little family. But, ya'll, I miss wedding planning and being engaged. I NEVER thought I would say that, ever.  I had a very stressful, draining job during my engagement which made the wedding planning process not enjoyable for me. My amazing mom was my saving grace during the whole wedding planning process. She was my wedding planner, and she did a kick ass job, if I do say so myself. I had a vision. My momma took it and ran with it. I'm lucky I have a hip and trendy momma who totally gets bling and sparkles.

Here were my must-haves: Pink shoes, ostrich feather centerpieces, ombre cake, uplighting, a photo booth, and good food. Oh..and my groom.

Venue: Picking a venue was the most difficult part for us me. I loved the idea of a golf course wedding...but the golf clubs around here were either A. Slathered in floral wallpaper where the reception would be held. B. Had an outrageous price tag attached to it. or C. Smelled like old people and cigars. After touring several, I realized that this was NOT for us. It wasn't my "vision". We HAD to have a place where we could have the ceremony and reception in the same place since most of our wedding guests were so graciously attending from out of town. After extinguishing many ball rooms, conference centers, etc, I was feeling so frustrated. My mom called one more place...the Will Rogers Theatre. I looked at pictures on their website and was not impressed, but we decided to tour it anyways. Guys. We fell in looooooooooooooooooooooove. Plus, it was right down the street from my old favorite drinking establishment beautiful scenery and nightlife!

How cool is that marquee in the background that says "congrats Mark and Jordan"?

They had my uplighting (fo' free). They had space for a ceremony (down those stairs) They had my chair covers and sashes for a minimal rental cost, and they had fan.freaking.tastic food! HOLLA.  Sold.

Dress: I hated dress shopping. God blessed me with a big ass rib cage similar to Michael Phelps'. This has always made any sort of dress shopping difficult and frustrating. Which in turn, causes tantrums and tears and "why am I so f*cking fat" questions. I dreaded "saying yes" to the dress. I put off dress shopping until my mom said "yo...you know some dresses take 6 months to come in, right?" So off we went on Labor Day weekend to find me a dress. I had ideas of dresses I liked saved onto my phone, mostly Maggie Sotteros. I knew I wanted a fit and flare. Not a poofy ballgown. Aaaand a sweetheart neckline. I made three bridal appointments in town for that Saturday. I was going to find the dress and I wasn't going to stop until I found it. 

The first shop I went to...we'll call it "B"...SUCKED. Made me feel like total shizz. I'm just going to be honest here...at my thinnest and hottest, when I worked out 6 days a week and starved myself. I was still a size 7/8 due to my body frame and how broad I am. At the time of dress shopping, I was a 9/10 or could potentially squeeze into an 8 at Express. Everyone online said that dresses usually run small, and I definitely found that out at "B". They were stuffing my big ass into 6's. Obviously, the dresses looked terrible on me, made me feel terrible, and just really emotionally wore me out. WHY...WHY? Why squeeze a 10 into a 6 and leave a big gaping space in the back to where the bride can't even get a good look at herself without wanting to burst into tears. I don't know if they had larger sample sizes or not, but I bounced....and went and got a Cheeseburger with my mom before the next appointment. :)

The next shop, we will call "P". I got a good vibe when I walked into the store. My consultant greeted me and was so super sweet. I told her my vision and I also picked a few that I had seen on the rack (IN MY SIZE!). This is where I realized that I was not in the type of shape I wanted to be in to wear a fit and flare dress. So, I did what I said I wouldn't do...I said "can I try this one on?" A fluffy, poofy ballgown.

....And that was it.

 This is when I was getting dressed on my wedding day and I was like "oh shiiiiiiiiit I hope this fits." I was 17 weeks pregnant for the wedding and was just starting to have a little bump. I don't think I breathed the whole time she laced me up.

 See how poofy? Totally not what I wanted, but it's what balanced out my top half. And it had blang blang, girl.

Cake: Mmmmm cake. We went with Rosebeary's Designs in Baking and couldn't have been happier. She created the most beautiful ombre buttercream cake...and the most perfect Denver Broncos cake for Marky.

 My mom DIY'd this bling cake stand for me. I loved it! 

The only disappointing thing about our cakes? We got ONE bite. WTF. I could have easily put away three pieces...but...we got too busy mingling and dancing, and then Mark went up my dress to get my garter, and then the night was pretty much over. Bummer.

Centerpieces:  I fell in love with ostrich feathers the moment I saw them. Then, my mom told me that they offered illuminated vases. Sign me up. So, we got my feathers!

Flowers: I wanted simple, but blingy and pink. Our florist,  Madelines Flower Shop, did an excellent job!

 Shoes:  I got my girls' shoes from Nine West. My mom handled all that, but the delivery was super fast! And they looked great in pictures.

Lighting:  We used IES (Innovative Event Solutions) for our LED trees for the stage. The stage was zzzzzz boring. So I wanted to add a "pop" of something. So at a bridal show, I saw these trees and fell in love.

I've probably bored you enough, but I hope I can help some other OKC bride if she ever needs assistance with vendors...

Other vendors:
DJ- BTP Productions (not recommended)
Photography: Jessica Pearl Photography
Cookie Favors: Uptown Grocery
Linens: The French Tulip
Photobooth: 4 Takes Photobooth

Now for some pictures:

 Bridesmaid's shoes.

Signing my freedom away :).

 Bridal party dancing.

 Off-the-market- license

 Our photo matte.

 First dance.

 FEATHERS.

 Cookie favors.

 Beautiful bridal party.

 Photobooth. A Groupon deal! High five!

Thanks for reading!