...and woke up a little boy.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. Big ol' crocodile tears. I'm not even sure where to start this, but the title says it all. B went to bed a baby and woke up a little boy.
I can't pin point when it happened, but I believe it was last month.
Last month, he started sleeping 8p-6:15a. Sweet, sweet sleep. I had forgotten what solid sleep felt like. The last time I slept through the night before last month, was June 2013, before the every other hour bathroom trips started. Anyways, it has been amazing. I have felt much more refreshed, motivated, and I have felt like the days were finally not a blur. No longer doeshe "need" me 24/7. He is no longer as clingy. He started walking 6/21 and hasn't looked back! He let's me know he's hungry and curls up to me when he wants cuddles for a nap, but other than that, he's a freebird.
No longer does he scream and cry because he woke up when I transfer him from my arms to the crib. I remember thinking to myself as we did Sleep Sense "my God, will this ever pass?" It seemed like an eternity. I remember getting annoyed by the 2:30 AM night waking. That is gone now too.
Tonight was different though. Tonight he woke up crying at 10:45 as Mark and I were crawling into bed. It was a different cry, not his hungry cry. It was an "I need you, mama" cry. I went into his room and picked him up. My sweet boy with his tear-stained cheeks, and he laid his head on my chest. I brought him back to our room and laid him between us like I did when he would refuse to sleep anywhere but my arms or chest. I laid on my side and cradled him close to me. He put his arms around my neck and hugged me close. The baby monitor casted a glow so that I could see him. His eyes were open, looking right into mine. He smiled at me, and I him, and then he closed his eyes and drifted off.
"Soak it all up, honey." Mark whispered to me.
" I am." And I start to cry. "He's never going to love me more than he loves me now. He's going to need me less and less.
As I carry him back to his room, I realize that his legs are dangling way over my arm. When did he get SO big? Where has the time gone? I kiss him, lay him down and leave the room. Suddenly, it all doesn't matter. The night awakenings don't matter anymore. I now realize those were some of my most precious bonding times. All of the clinginess? I kind of miss it. He's getting too busy for me now. I have such guilt for wishing it away, or for hissing to Mark, "why won't he freaking sleep?!" at 3am. He just wanted his mama.
I know there are so many fun times ahead with him for our family, but I just wish there was a pause button on life. Or even a rewind. Who knows if I will get to experience this joy and special, short time again.
New and expecting mamas...the days and nights are long, but the years are so short.
I'll love you forever.
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be.
