A letter to Beckett on his Half Birthday.

Well...We've survived 6 months of parenthood. It has consumed more time, more energy and more patience than I thought was possible. But in exchange, I have experienced more smiles, more love, and more happiness than I ever thought possible. It really is amazing how 8:45 PM on August 26, 2013 changed me. When I have a minute here and there, I go on Pinterest. I saw a cute idea about writing your child a hand-written letter on their birthday every year and putting a $20 bill in an envelope attached to each letter written. Then, you make a binder/book out of the letters and give it to your child at their graduation. That way they have letters to read, money to keep for graduation as they embark on their new journey, and memories. I wondered, "will he care?" He's a boy. You know what 18 year old boys care about? Tits, ass, and cars. Oh, and sports. Is he going to care about these letters I have written him? I don't know. I can only hope he will, maybe not at 18, but someday. Someday, I hope he knows in between me being a pain in his ass, and him being a pain in my ass during those teenage years, how much I truly, truly love him. How much I really am loving being his mom. I just thought I would post this letter. You know, just in case I accidentally leave my flat iron on all day and burn the house down and the letters go "poof".


2/26/2014

Dear Beckett,

Today you are 6 months old! Can you believe it? You've survived first time parents during your most fragile weeks, and we have survived those crazy newborn and little baby months. Six months ago today, I was anxious, oh so anxious. I was shaking. I was so scared and so excited. Would I be a good mom? Would I be able to meet your needs? Would you like me? Would your dad and I make sure you are given everything you could possibly need? What will you look like? Would you have my nose and your daddy's chin? It was scary. At 8:45 PM, we heard your loud cry, and our journey began.

We brought you home, and we started adjusting to our family of three. You slept so good! 3 hours at a time at first, then 4, then 8, then 10! Then we hit 4 months and you were up EVERY two hours. We were tired. You needed us. Many times, I cried along with you because I was so tired. I had to remind myself that you needed me, just as I needed you. Your cry lessened every time we would snuggle; you just want to be close, and that's okay. I would give up all my nights of good sleep for the rest of my life to keep you small, to keep you cuddly, and to keep you my baby.

In these past six months, I have realized that time is not going to slow down. In fact, it feels like it's in fast-forward and I wish I could stop it. You were in newborn clothes for three weeks, 0-3 and 3 month for a month, 3-6 for 2 1/2 months, and now you are in 6-9 that are starting to get small. I get so very sad packing away your tiny clothes that your dad and I picked out for you or were gifted to us for you. Each article I remember washing and hanging in excitement for your arrival. "Oh wow, that is SO big! He won't be that big for a long time!" I remember telling your Mimi when she showed me that 3-6 month overalls she had bought you last April. I packed them away on New Years Day. You won't fit in them ever again.  I really struggle emotionally with watching you grow. Everyone told me  "enjoy them being little, because it goes by so fast." and I shrugged it off. It's true. Each day, you are getting bigger. Each day, you are learning more, laughing more, and smiling more.

Though I may be sad about you getting bigger, I am so excited for the future. I can't wait to watch you play football with your daddy. He really, REALLY loves you. You are his little buddy. And you sure do love him too. I love watching you get a huge smile and flap your arms in excitement when you hear your daddy walk through the door when he gets home from work and says "I'm home!"  The way he picks you up and gives you a big kiss makes you giggly and happy. I can't wait to watch you go down the slide for the first time, or the first time I get to kiss your boo boo. I can't wait to teach you your ABC's, to take family vacations, to give you a sibling to play with, to watch you go to kindergarten, to help you plan the way you will ask a girl to the school dance, and to dance with you on your wedding day. You are my world.

So, Beckett, I want to thank you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. Thank you for teaching me patience. Thank you for making me fall even more in love with your dad when I see him with you. Thank you for cuddling me, for being so sweet and for being my boy. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months has in store, and then the years after that.

Love,

Mama.

8:50 PM

 1 week old.

 

 

 

 

1 month.

 

2 months.

3 months.

4 months

5 months.

 6 months. 21 lbs. 27.75"