And so it begins.

Recently, I've been going back and forth on whether or not to share this part of our lives. Maybe it's TMI for some? Maybe it's boring for some, or maybe a good majority can't relate to it? Then I had overwhelming thoughts of "maybe I could help someone" or "maybe I can make a friend along the way going through the same thing", or even "maybe someone can help me."

We have been diagnosed with secondary infertility. Unexplained infertility at that. This means there is no scientific reason as to why we haven't been able to achieve pregnancy yet. We were easily able to conceive before. However, now either the stars aren't aligning, or something is just saying "nope. no can do." and they can't figure out why it's not happening. For some women, they do not ovulate. For some men, their sperm count is low. For some couples its a combination of the two. Sometimes it's an anatomical reason, and sometimes it's alllll out of whack hormones. All of our tests have checked out fine.

This summer, I went to my OBGYN just to get some insight as we had been trying/not preventing for several months. I told her that it was a piece of cake to conceive before. Literally a wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Twice, actually. I told her my cycles were irregular and she ran some tests and ordered an ultrasound to check out what was going on. All of my labs came back great. My ultrasound showed a 3cm functional/simple cyst on my left ovary. The tech and my OB chalked it up to being a follicle growing (to release an egg) or just an ordinary cyst. She ruled out PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and told me to come back for another check if the cyst started causing any pain. Dr. G also rattled off some statistics that really eased my mind regarding statistics and when I should "technically" be pregnant. She gave me a hug and gave me a number to call in December if I still was not pregnant.

The months went on by. Month after month, negative after negative. Tears after tears.

December rolled on by. I looked at the number she had written down on my lab results, and it was for the infertility institute. I talked to Mark about it, and while he was reluctant at first because he didn't think there was an issue, we agreed we would go do whatever tests needed even to aid in peace of mind. I called the number, and just didn't get a welcoming vibe from the receptionist. It was all about money right from the beginning. I text messaged one of my sweet friends and asked for her experience with another infertility clinic, which she talked me into immediately.

I called the other clinic, and had this overwhelming sense of optimism after talking to the receptionist there. She was so warm, friendly, and accommodating. She set my intake appointment for January 9th.

I read SO much on so many message boards about how as soon as the infertility appointment was made, the woman ended up getting pregnant. I tracked, I temped, I peed on so many sticks, and it was negative. Again. No such luck for me.

January 9th: I go to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist/fertility doc). I have all my labwork, ultrasound of the cyst, my medical history, everything ready. I even printed out all 9 of my fertility friend charts that I had started in March. I sat, nervously, waiting to be called, wondering what these other ladies' stories were. How did they get there? Had they endured the same heart break as me? Perhaps more heartbreak as I already have one child? I don't know. But my heart was with them. Inspirational quotes line are framed in the office, are scrolling along as the screensaver on the ultrasound machines in the exam rooms, and there are birth announcements lining the walls. Those were all miracle babies!

I met with the PA. She is amazing. She looked at my charts, my history, my labs, everything. She made sure I was still with the same partner, went over my birth, etc. She said "I don't have a clue." You're ovulating, you're doing everything "right", your labs show you're healthy. She assured me that secondary infertility is more common than I think. She said she would venture to guess that 1 in 8-10 couples go on to have infertility issues after having their first, second, third, etc child. She told me which tests she wanted me to have. An HSG to make sure I didn't have adhesions from my cesarean and that my tubes were open and clear. I then asked "what if that comes back clear?" Doc told me that she starts with this:

Clomid at the beginning of my cycle, followed by an IUI at ovulation. She said she really recommended the IUI because it places the swimmers right where they need to be. In case, you know, they got lost the regular way. I was then told that there was typically a 40% success rate and a 10% chance of multiples.

She then took me into the exam room and gave me an ultrasound and immediately noticed my cyst. The same cyst that had been there since July. Apparently it was the same size as it was back then. Since I was due to start my period in the next day or two, she instructed me to call when it started and schedule another ultrasound to see if it was an ovulatory cyst or just an obnoxious one. I left the office feeling like a million bucks. After so many months of uncertainty, there was finally a plan.

January 10- AF came. I call the office, they scheduled an ultrasound for January 12th.

January 12th: I go in for the follow up ultrasound and it's still there. She gave me a prescription for 5mg of Aygestin (to suppress ovulation) in hopes that that annoying little booger would go away.


So...now we wait! I am 2/3 done with the medication and I am ready to start treatment! We go back this Friday to go over this next cycle's instructions. Hopefully. I'm so tired of the emotions that come with TTC. I just want to complete our family. I want my son to have a little brother or sister to play with!

Fingers crossed that we will get our sweet November baby. Thank you to all my friends and family that know what we are going through, for your love and support!

xoxo Jordan.