Large and In Charge.

I dread my OB appointments.

I shouldn't! I mean, I get to hear my wittle bebe's heartbeat go bump bump, bump bump, but in order to hear that, I have to face my worst enemy...the scale. It was okay when it was once a month, but now I'm towards the end of my every other week appointments, heading into weekly appointments and it's like arghhhhhhhhh f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

Gaining weight has been THE hardest part of pregnancy for me. I vowed that I was not going to gain over 20 lbs. Well, I surpassed that somewhere between 22-26 weeks. I'm now up almost 26 lbs and I want to bawl. I've always been SO conscious of that number on the scale, and now it's even worse. I remember when I heard her change the big 100 number on bottom, to the 150. That haunts me. And that was awhile ago. I'm not eating bad. If anything, I'm eating less. I've even been using MyFitnessPal to track my calories. I WISH I could enjoy this pregnancy and just eat what ever the F I wanted.   Everyone says "you'll lose it when you have the baby and start breastfeeding!" But...what if I don't?

I jokingly asked my OB (Dr. E) if I was on track to have a 10-12 lb baby. She said no. So hopefully I don't pass anything larger than a watermelon out of me.

I was watching that Newlyweds show on Bravo  and I remember the pregnant one, Kathryn's husband saying "you used to look so hot. I've never messed around or been with a 'bigger' girl before." I can't help but wonder if my husband wonders if I'll get my body back as well. But I can assure you, that I WILL get back into shape. B is coming at a perfect time (late August) so by the time I am cleared to work out like normal again, it will be fall, the temperatures will start cooling off, and I can start running at night and smell that awesome Oklahoma fall air.

I can't wait.

LOLOL I thought I was fat here.

I WILL get back to this. 

Thanks for listening to me vent/rant/etc.